Join Extra Deeply
I not too long ago gave a keynote speech entitled “Join Extra Deeply” on the Hope Global Discussion board in Atlanta, Georgia hosted by a non-revenue known as Operation Hope. U.S Secretary of Treasury Jack Lew, Chelsea Clinton and Andrew Young, one of Dr. Martin Luther King’s, Jr.’s lieutenants in the civil rights movement, had been a few of the esteemed speakers.
Although I’ve given over 1,000 speeches or workshops in my speaking career, this speech was totally different. The visceral response caught me off guard. I had a woman literally apologize to me after my speech as a result of she felt some of her colleagues were disrespecting me as a result of they weren’t totally listening to my message. I’ve hooked up my edited speech transcript here. May it help you connect more deeply with one person at present. You are not alone.
All of us attend conferences for different reasons. Some of us come to hear the headlining speakers. Others maybe want to get away for a number of days. Most of us, nonetheless, want to attach with someone you want to learn from, work with or work for. Tonight I’ll share three things we will all do to attach more deeply with each other.
Before I share these three things, I first want to handle the two most important the explanation why we do not join extra deeply. It is because we’re over-stimulated and hyper-related. The wrongdoer, the explanation, the trigger is this magical machine referred to as a smartphone.
How many people have this morning routine
Before we can even step out of our bed and even open each eyes, we roll over to the aspect, pick up our smartphones and begin checking our textual content messages, emails, tweets and Fb likes and feedback. All throughout our day, from when we go away our dwelling, to once we go to work, then lunch, then back to work, and at last back dwelling, we’re always checking our smartphones all all through the day.
An Android app firm named Locklet surveyed 150,000 users and located that the typical user checked their phone 110 instances through the day. Their high frequency users, nonetheless, checked their telephone 900 times. [Audible gasps from the audience.] If there are a median of sixteen waking hours that means these “high frequency users” checked their telephones virtually 60 times per minute!
We’re not social media beings; we’re human beings. We aren’t LinkedIn beings; we are human beings. And as much as Mark Zuckerberg desires us to be Facebook beings; we’re human beings.
Human beings connect extra deeply by sharing stories with each other.
That is the primary lesson I’ll share with you.
Lesson 1: Share Your Story
Learn how to share your story in a powerful, passionate and poignant approach. Maybe probably the most inspiring story of all time is Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. He left such an indelible mark on my life that I named my company KGL after him and two other visionaries. KGL stands for King, Gandhi, and Bruce Lee. I hold their ideals up every day to remind myself of what to try towards with my clients, colleagues, and everyone I meet.
The reason why his story is inspiring is because we are able to see our own story in his life.
The first time I ever visited Atlanta was in April of 2000. I didn’t know on the time that Atlanta is the place Dr. King was born. I had a chance to visit his house on Auburn Avenue, walked over to Ebenezer Baptist Church where he was a pastor, and at last ended up on the King Middle where his tomb rests on top of a stone island on this beautiful reflection pool.
As I stood there in entrance of Dr. King’s tomb, I read his epitaph, “Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. 1929 – 1968 ‘Free eventually. Free finally. Thank God Almighty I’m Free finally.'” I felt such a deep connection at that moment as a result of simply six weeks prior I had give up my day job at American Express where I labored at 40 Wall Road. I had put my house up for sale and I used to be leaving my family and mates behind in New York City to maneuver to California the place like Dr. King, I too had a dream. I wished to be a published author, speaker, entrepreneur and singer-songwriter. I had so much worry and doubt and insecurity. I was so afraid but, somehow, standing in entrance of Dr. King’s presence gave me such power, conviction and energy. I was decided to succeed.
On Might 6, 2000, I obtained on a plane and flew to San Francisco. Nine months later, I had finished and printed my first book, a college success guide. A year later, I moved down to Los Angeles to be a singer-songwriter whereas simultaneously building my enterprise as a speaker and consultant.
Eight years later in 2008, I had an opportunity to come back again to the South but this time to Tennessee. I knew that Dr. King met his physical demise in Memphis, Tennessee. So though I was in Nashville, Tennessee co-writing a track, I determined to drive the 218 miles by myself to see The King. I wasn’t going to go to Elvis Presley’s Graceland, I was going to go to the Lorraine Motel the place Dr. King met his bodily demise and i additionally wished to go to the Charles Mason Temple Church the place Dr. King gave his last speech entitled “I’ve been to the Mountaintop” the day before he handed away.
After i arrived on the church at 2:30pm in the afternoon, the parking lot was not solely closed, but it surely was gated shut, with a sequence and pad lot, including a safety guard sitting in her car contained in the parking lot. I walked as much as the gate and referred to as out to the safety guard. “Hello, I am out of town and i just drove three hours to get right here. Is that this the church where Dr. King gave his last speech before he died ” The security guard appeared confused and uncertain. So she took out her telephone and referred to as somebody to ask. Moments later she mentioned, “Sorry, this is not the church.”
I couldn’t stone island coupon imagine her phrases. I am virtually positive I had researched the best church and since I had just pushed 218 miles to see this church I was perplexed.
As I walked away from her, I determined to walk alongside the facet of the church to the front entrance. At one point, I appeared up along side the church wall and noticed an enormous plague that read, “This edifice is the site of the final handle of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.”
I had discovered the appropriate place. The security guard just didn’t know.
In 2000, I had a dream and that i stood at Dr. King’s tombstone not realizing how my path would prove. Then by 2008, I used to be residing my dream once i visited Memphis, Tennessee and when i sat in the sanctuary at the Charles Mason Temple Church I had a chance to thank and connect with Dr. King once more.
Now eight years later, 16 years after coming right here for the first time, I am here speaking to you all. Goals are potential. Goals are actual. You’ll be able to live your dreams.
The first lesson to attach more deeply is to share your personal and skilled story.
Lesson 2: Listen More Deeply
The second lesson I wish to share is about listening. The Chinese have a gorgeous language. The Chinese language character for hear has 5 distinct components. On the left hand side, it’s the character for ears. However on the right hand facet, it is damaged up into 4 characters which individually mean “you”, “eyes”, “one”, and “heart.” Once you hear, you ought to be focusing on one individual and you aren’t simply listening together with your ears. You are also listening along with your eyes but most significantly along with your heart.
Hear along with your coronary heart.
Lesson three: Discover the commonest Denominators
The last lesson I will share is about easy math. Once we add two fractions together like 1/2 and 1/3 you cannot add them collectively unless you find the commonest denominator. On this case, 6 is the most typical denominator. Once we discover a common denominator, we can add 1/2 and 1/three collectively to equal 5/6.
Why can we as a folks concentrate on our variations and count on us to get alongside I just flew into Atlanta a couple of hours in the past after attending an occasion on the White Home. Sitting next to me during my flight was a girl named Carrell. If I centered on our variations there could be many: Carrell was white and I’m Asian. Carrell is from the South and that i live in California. Carrell is a girl and I am a man. Carrell is a retired psychologist and has been married three times. I’m nonetheless working and have never been married.
As a substitute of specializing in all these variations, we shared a lot in widespread. We each beloved to journey, assist folks, and share stories. She spoke about her journey to Italy final yr and I discussed how I was flying to Atlanta to present a keynote speech. We had such an incredible conversation as a result of regardless that we had so many seemingly outward variations, we selected to deal with our widespread denominators.
I would like to end with one final story. Once i attended the Clinton International Initiative Annual Assembly final yr in New York, former President Invoice Clinton had a closing plenary session where he interviewed a NASA astronaut named Cady Coleman whereas simultaneously Skype calling two astronauts – one American and one Russian – on the Worldwide House Station. When President Clinton requested Coleman about her expertise in house, she simply mentioned, “In house, when you are wanting down there aren’t any international locations. It is one place and we’re all from there.”
To summarize, in order for you to attach more deeply, focus on sharing your personal story in a strong and memorable approach. Hear not simply with your ears however together with your eyes and most importantly along with your heart. And lastly, give attention to discovering the most common denominators whenever you want to connect with somebody.
Finally, please flip this off extra [holding up my smartphone] all through the day.
Christopher Kai is founder and CEO of KGL, a strategic-consulting agency that helps c-degree executives and gross sales professionals with personal branding, disruptive marketing, and business development methods. He is a company speaker, consultant, and author.